'insomnia' post

assalamulaikum

the clock has just entered 12, and here i am composing an entry with my phone 😴

its not that im not tired, i am. so tired in fact. too tired to sleep. it happens right? 😂 well maybe this is partly because of the sound of a crying dog not far from my house.

and at time like this when you are just alone in your room you feel...alone. and the past innocently kicks in. it can be embarrassing, funny, neutral or the worst of all -haunting.

chin up ya akhi wa ukhti. self-reflection is the best way to deal with the haunting images of the past. remember that your past builds who you are today. remember that Allah is with the patient.

jaga hati, jaga iman.

this is one of the most effective phrase for me. jaga hati, cos hati affects you in all ways.

jaga iman. dont regret your past, because thats just like violating one of the rukun iman, having faith in qadha and qadar. Nauzubillah

 

i wish you all a good sleep 😊

A hectic week indeed!

Assalamualaikum

can you believe that it's november already?! hello hello 

alhamdulillah, as of today i only have one paper left for my A level, which is psychology 3. i'll be sitting for on the 19th, insyaAllah. wish me luck!

to be honest i am trying my best to make this blog not diary-ish, but more like something for me to share my thoughts, lessons etc, or in simpler words something for me to share knowledge.

BUT 

this one may be like an exception.

a bit.

this week started with my socio 3 exam. fyi, socio is my weakest point. i didnt score well for my nov '12 and june '13 AS, but i did improve by two grades. but it wasnt enough. im grateful though because overall i have improved except for my math ( it dropped by 7%) and i jumped 3 grades for my psychology. well skip skip

my biggest problem with socio is i just dont read enough. socio is all about willing to read (and actually give a spit) about what the sociologists think. my sir's been telling me to read more since last year but i.... have issue with willpower *cricketcricket*

well anyway, alhamdulillah the exam didnt go like my internal tests and exams. i have always had trouble writing fluently in my exams and tests, because as you know i didnt read and memorize enough facts. almost 30% of the time was usually used just to recall and cross out what i wrote down on the paper. mind you that in socio the 1.5 hr is NOT usually enough to write everything you have learnt in that one year (3 hours in the case of A2) so minus the 30% you actually barely have enough time to actually write something relevant and meaningful. i didnt have enough time either to write everything on the paper for my recent paper, which is actually a good thing. 

because i usually have time to waste.

during that exam i took up to plus minus 95% for writing. though incomplete, i could recall almost all facts i have revised. FINALLY for the first time i felt the joy of writing (hopefully) enough facts. i can never forget how my sir have always said 'write more, write more' to me. it's funny though that he never smacked me for failing to write enough for most of my assignments. honestly he is the most supportive teacher i have ever had. the way he believes in me is really unbelievable. like seriously, i failed my nov AS but he still pushed me to go beyond what i have shown him. he knows that im capable of doing better. when i told him i almost got a C for my june AS he simply said 'yes, i know. you can get an A, even'. HOW COOL IS THAT?? he has always told me that i can do better despite of failing to do that. every single time. well i finally followed his advice for real and hence lesson learnt -always listen to your teacher.

well the 5th of nov we (my family) celebrated my parents' 34th wedding anniversary. 

and on the 6th i attended the 3rd SOASCIS International Conference (SICON3), and it was the best event i have attended so far. the theme this year was "Towards A Healthy Youth Culture : The Role of Islamic Family and Educational Values". around 20 plus speakers were present from Brunei, neighbouring countries, Europe, USA, Australia, S. Africa, Kyrgyzstan and few others ( there were like 13 countries if im not mistaken). the event went on for 3 days until the 8th. honestly it was an honour to be able to be in the same room with all the scholars. they have shared many things that were linked to issues such as family and education from Islamic perspectives. every knowledge that i have gained from the conference is totally priceless. they were very frank in answering questions we threw them and they really treated us like their own students. we even actually ate together! not all of us though, but you know what i mean. the discussions went beyond the formality of the event. at times we approached them individually and asked them some questions related to their area of expertise. i cant list out every single lesson that i have learnt from all the speakers because that would take the whole day to write everything (we got 20 speakers!) but one tips given by a scholar who memorizes the Qur'an and many,many hadith by heart was WATCH WHAT YOU TAKE INTO YOUR BODY VERY CAREFULLY. this includes eating halal and good food, protect your eyes from seeing bad things, and think positively. Also refrain yourself from indulging in useless activities so much and enjoy the nature (he is from somewhere in the Middle East, he said Brunei has so many beautiful places). really, the conference was very eye-opening. it gave me an insight of Islam from a totally new perspective and changed my way of thinking and perceiving things as well.

so 3 days of conference and we got a new family member in between!

And it's another boy :3

i made myself do this

assalamualaikum

it's been a while. im in the middle of my A level exam, so yeah. do wish me luck! my next papers are socio 3 and psychology 3 (my other subjects are maths and gp, which i have done in the last 3 weeks).

things arent really going well for me,physiologically and mentally. last 2 weeks i kinda messed up my body clock after having my socio 2. well what happened was Brunei was the host for the ASEAN summit thing, and the events coincided with the cambridge public exams, so the timetable had to be edited. the usual morning timetable which all this time started at 9, got shifted to 8, the afternoon sesh (usually 2 pm) shifted to 1 pm and the friday afternoon sesh (2.30) got freaking shifted to night. my socio happened to be on friday night at 8-9.30. plus a bit of delay and a  visit (ahem) to CBTL, i finally reached home at around almost 11 and ended up sleeping way past midnight, and i havent really recovered until today. not kidding.

skip,skip,skip

what actually drags my willpower to its peak to write tonight is the conversation i recently had with my cousin..

......LOVE

yep, we talked about love. what else do you expect can fill the minds of teenagers nowadays right? WRONG! well you are not wrong per se. the conversation was initially about something else, but yknow, conversation. 

heartbreak, personally speaking, might be my best experience. i know it is an oxymoron but really, i mean it. it opens up your mind more, it gives your brain more power and ability to decide for you. its not as bad as you think. yes, that psychological pain you have to endure hurts as much as getting punched in the face. whatever happens time heals all wound.

what is so special about this little thing called love really?

to love and to be loved are actually naturally engineered in us. so if you feel like you have the butterflies flying violently in your stomach that you actually feel like you are gonna throw up monster butterflies with piranha teeth but cute at the same time (okay whateverrr), dont panic or throw up or pass out. its just your hormone

basically thats why its most of the time a big deal. its natural. evidence:

Ad-Dhariyat (49) :  And of all things We created two mates; perhaps you will remember.

but of all love (please stick to the common mindset) i see some teenagers are taking advantage on their love. it ails me to my tummy. some even treat it like the top of their priority list. its plain ballistic that sometimes it reaches the extent of suicide.

why?

its almost 12.40 and sleep is what i need.
so let me just conclude with one of the famous hadith.

The Prophet (saw) advised to: “Take benefit of five before five: Your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before you are preoccupied, and your life before your death”(Narrated by Ibn Abbas and reported by Al Hakim)

dont be swayed by the beauty, because it may end uglier than sin.

note: i have decided to publish this first, insyaAllah i"ll try to improve this later

the sky is crying

Assalamualaikum

so my journey today started with  rain and jb's next to you. a good combo huh?

rain is often used to symbolise gloom, sadness etc. the perfect background for the break up scene in a movie.well sometimes for the getting-back-together scene.

living in an equatorial climate rain is something that i usually anticipate, except after it has been dark for a few days straight.

well, rain is magical. it can be a nuisance sometimes. you cant properly dry your laundry outside. you have to switch the light on. this and that. but at the same time it gives you this comfortable cool feeling. you dont have to water your garden.

it's good as much as it's bad.
the gloom helps you.
just as much as problems do

the sky might be crying,but it could be of joy.

life is a constant battle

Assalamualaikum.

the phrase has been keeping me on my feet lately as things seem to be falling into the wrong places.
when life gives you lemon(s), sometimes you cant just simply make lemonade. its just not that simple. demanding for chocolate is plain ungrateful, unless you do it nicely and politely.

life is a constant battle. you have to fight and sacrifice to make things right. even for a little bit, because every tiny, minute detail matters. i've learned that in order to cope with it you must know the nature. but sometimes its just overwhelming that ending your life seems to be the only solution. well actually it isnt. broaden up your mind and see the limitless horizon.

life is not easy if you are not willing to make it easy. again, life is a constant battle.

keep fighting. be strong.
you are not the only one in this world who is battling to live up to whatever the thingamajigg is.
whenever things are not going to their desired ways put your hand on your chest and say to yourself,this is life, and life is a constant battle.

back to blogging

assalamualaikum and hello.


so i was a blogger once a few years back but for some reasons (mainly laziness)   i had to stop and now im back to square one.

i dont think i need to introduce myself since i only put my blog's link on my ig, so i believe most of you have known me (even a little bit counts) ... or not. well.....

you'll get the theme of this blog as more posts follow. do wait for them :D
  and i dont think i need to write so much for my first post.

toodles! xx