Rebuilding a new (and better!) self.

Assalamu'alaikum wrt wbt,

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

I believe each and every one of us have encountered that one particular point in our life where everything seems so wrong for no reason. it just feels...wrong. and your heart feels empty. and you feel lonely. and you start to turn to something else to fill the holes, yet the chaotic silence in you is still haunting. and you swayed far from your inner peace. and at another point you realised how far you have gone. Guilt.

Be grateful when that feeling kicks in. Your heart is still alive.

That first breath you take after waking up every morning comes with millions of reasons to be grateful. You are still alive. You still have a chance to watch the beauty of His creations. You might have time to finish the assignment due today. But most importantly, you have the chance to make everything better than they were yesterday, including yourself.

Stop dwelling in the past. Cry first if you need to, but move on as fast as you can.

When you have that feeling, it's definitely a guidance from Allah. Hold it tightly and don't let it go, because the next time might never come, and (referring to the coming new year) you might not live to the next year. Take whatever you have now, and utilise them wisely.

As a normal human being I understand that it's hard, but make even a slightest effort is much much better than nothing. Never let the turtle speed stop you.

Have faith, have determination.

9, sick and 3.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamu'alaikum wrt wbt.

Life vs me. Life has won. Thoughts of letting my fingers dance stayed as mere thoughts and many things have diffused away. I'm not even sure where to start now. Things changed quite drastically this year and the path comes in spiral and zigzag. i've stayed dormant for 9 months from writing, and i've broken quite a number of promises to myself to start again, but today alhamdulillah i've let my fingers win. not quite, im unwell so i got some extra times to make something i usually dont have a chance to do so. like writing.

This year i'd say is quite an important year. another transition took place, but it was unexpected to be like it is now. Apart from the busyness of handling activities (ref :here), gaining experiences and what nots, i was supposed to start my university last August. My choices and enrollment process was quite epic. Ranging from studying abroad, staying local to gap year (but this one came quite later than the other two), from psychology, media and communication, law to theology, i've got my next destination backed up with plans with several letters. Currently, however, it's my third month in Istanbul and i know people still celebrate monthsaries, today marks my third monthsary of leaving Brunei lol.

i was surprised as well that eventually i'd end up here. as a normal human being it's normal to have that desire to step foot in here but never in my whole life have i imagined to come and stay here as a student. i have enrolled to UBD the other day and was actually quite determined to develop that best of me, but right after the 4th day of orientation one email turned everything 180 degrees. i was actually quite scared to take that chance but after consultations with everyone and the process went very smoothly, i was convinced that this is the path that i was meant to walk on.

and with of all struggles i've faced, indeed Allah is the best planner. i managed to slowly brush off some bad habits i was hardly able to kill back then,develop new ones and with the responsibilities that came along and people i met along the way, this struggle is one of the best things that happened to me. but i'd be lying if i said i never reach any weak point. i did have some breakdowns that left me feeling shattered, but i learnt to wipe my own tears, get over it and be as strong as i can.


The lesson i learnt? everything happens for many reasons. it is hard to embrace this new life, but if i were to stay in my comfort zone and looking back now, i cant trust that person to realise my dream.

Here's an inspiration to keep moving and breaking the cycle

“The intelligent and refined find no rest in dwelling in one place,

So leave your homeland and travel far away!

Travel and you will meet new people replacing those left behind,

And tire yourself out, because it makes life worth living!

I have seen that water stagnates when it stands still,

Yet when it runs it is sweet and pure.

And if the lion left not its land,

it would not catch its prey

And if the arrow left not the bow,

it would not hit its aim

And if the sun moved not across the horizon,

People the world over would have tired of the sky.”

- Imam Shafi'e