Being responsible for yourself.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

It's been close to 5 months since I left home, and one of the major life lesson I've learnt (still having it in fact) is self-management. Not saying that I can't manage myself before, but after coming here I need to do it more than before. I'm sure I'm not the only one facing this.

No more scream demanding you to clean your room.

No more voice telling you to eat properly to keep your gastric at bay.

Having no one you can wake up at 3 in the morning to drive you to the hospital because your fever has not subsided after 4 days and is keeping you awake.

It's saddening and breaking you apart at times . All your source of strength is Allah, yourself and your friends. Oh, and your family too, via virtual world.

But deep inside you know that you can't be forever dependent like that. You know that one day it will end, but you are having it in a different way and maybe a bit earlier. So you decide that you have to get up on your feet on your own, walk your path, try not to stumble.

It's tiring. One day you might even find yourself shattered all over the place because it's squeezing you too tightly.

But isn't that the purpose of Allah sending you into such situation? A strong Muslim is more favoured by Allah than a weak one, and He is impressed by those who do not waste their time of youth.

It's not a shame to be responsible for yourself. It's a shame if you can't be responsible for yourself. Being responsible for yourself is basically providing the best for yourself, not letting yourself astray towards destruction.

Be grateful when  Allah sent you to a place where you need to raise yourself up. Allah is giving you a chance to impress Him. Being away from your family means you need to look after yourself and have control over yourself.

And everybody has a control over themselves, but only one out of two can hold the remote, either desire or wisdom.

You decide.

Worry ends where faith begins.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

After our winter break during the first class we were shocked with the news that we were going to have class on Fridays, 9 am-6pm with 2 hr break between 12pm-2pm, and before this we had an extra day of weekend on Friday, so this explains why we were kinda dumbstruck for days.

Yesterday was the first class. Since I'm a morning person I could cope with the lesson well, Alhamdulillah. But by 3pm-4pm it was a struggle to keep my head on the teacher. In the mid of that a classmate was reading my friend's palm. We were sitting in a row. I asked her to read mine for fun.

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The verdict was :

1.     I'm gonna have 3-4 children

2.     I'll be married to a foreigner.

The second one got me staring at my palm for quite some time.

Other than those, my life line is missing. I don't know what does that suppose to mean, and on the "life" area it's not too wrinkly, which means my life is not gonna be too bumpy. Well, considering my life now I doubt so. Briefly describing there are only two thick lines on both of my palms, hence due to the extreme faintness of the lines nothing much can be concluded. And oh, another friend also took a look on my palm and said I'm gonna get married early.

Ahem. Stop looking at your palms please.

Note : Believing any form of fortune-telling may negatively affect our 'aqidah. Na'uzubillah.

The thing about these stuff is we when we believe them it leads to self-fulfilling prophecy.

Urban Dictionary :  Positive or negative expectations about circumstances, events, or people that may affect a persons behavior toward them in a manner that he or she (unknowingly) creates situations in which those expectations are fulfilled. In other words, causing something to happen by believing it will come true.

I was seriously staring at my palms awkwardly, trying to make sense out of the prediction. I checked eHow website on how palms are read and started doing the calculation. Okay so honestly I was kind of scared since I am currently in a multinational surrounding, so the number-2 sounded so highly possible to happen.

 Then it struck me.

Why do I have to be afraid about things that aren't in my hands?

Pun not intended.

These matters had been written on my page. Like my missing life line it doesn't mean I'm gonna die early, but I know that my day in this world is numbered, and all I need to do is live my life according to what Allah swt has instructed to do. And with all the other predictions, meh. I have many other tasks unaccomplished, for instance my assignment which is due this Monday, keeping all my 'amal up and improving, to not come back to Brunei as another leech on government's money, to tell people that there is another life waiting after death, which is infinite times better only if you live the current one enslaving yourself to the Almighty.

If you have enough faith that Allah is always providing the best for you, you won't budge even a bit to stare at your palm, which I did, you won't be bothered to wonder who is that person that takes up a spot on one line on the surface of you hand, you won't be bothered to wonder what problems you will encounter that caused your palm to look ugly. 

The lines on your hands are meaningless, unless if those two hands are worn out due to many good deeds you did.

The most important thing is :-

Rasūlullah e said, “Allah said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. If he comes to Me walking, I go to him hastily. 

 [Al-Bukhari]